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IvyWise in the News
Angst runs high for seniors anticipating acceptance letters from colleges By Kellie B. GormlyMonday, March 8, 2010
Priyanka Srinivasa, a straight-A student at a prestigious college preparatory school, used to have her heart so set on Yale University, that if she didn't get in, it would be a crushing defeat.
Yet now, though Yale remains Srinivasa's top choice, along with American University, the senior at Shady Side Academy in Fox Chapel is anxiously awaiting word back from several top-notch schools to which she has applied. Srinivasa, 18, of Murrysville, already has been accepted into the honors program at the University of Vermont, and she is awaiting a decision from other schools including Ivy League universities Brown and Columbia, Georgetown, Boston University and others.
"At first, I was really stressed out and afraid," she says. "But, as time goes by ... I realize you just need to wait. You did the best you could, and you have four years to show who you are. .... I've given it my all."
This time of year, most high-school seniors have done the grueling work of researching higher education opportunities, and filling out and sending in applications to their college choices. Now comes what is probably the most stressful phase of the college application process -- waiting to hear back. Teens can lose sleep with the pressing uncertainty about the next phase of life: "Will they accept me or reject me? Will I get wait-listed? How do I choose between two schools if they both admit me?"
The wait can be especially angst-filled for ambitious students who aim for top Ivy League schools and their equivalents.
"I think it can be a trying time for some kids, because there's just so much anxiety that has arisen in our culture about the name of a school that you go to," says Tom Rossi. He is director of college counseling at Shady Side Academy. "I think students and families get swept up in rankings and the status of the school. We work hard with students to think about schools that are a good fit for them ... where they can enjoy life and prepare for their future careers."
Susan Kuhn, a guidance counselor at Greater Latrobe High School, says that students this time of year sometimes come to her office "on pins and needles," or in tears because of rejection by the school they wanted badly to attend.
"For some of those kids, because they are so bright, it's the first time that has happened to them," Kuhn says. "Many kids invest so many hopes and dreams in a school."
Katherine Cohen, creator of the IvyWise and ApplyWise organizations that help college-bound students, says that students should pick out several first choices, and not just one. If they have done their research, they should have found many colleges that would be good fits, says Cohen, who is an author of books including "The Truth About Getting In."
"There's not only one school for you, there are many schools where you can be happy and successful," Cohen says. She is a Yale and Brown alumna who counsels students in New York City. "A lot of students will get their hearts set on one school, and if they don't get it, it's the end of the world. That's exactly the wrong attitude to have."
Rejection is difficult for students, Cohen says, but it's likely to happen for students who set their sights on more competitive schools, which often have acceptance rates of less than 10 percent. That means that most outstanding students who apply won't get in because of sheer numbers.
According to The Ivy Coach Web site, the 2013 graduating class at Harvard faced a 7 percent acceptance rate. Princeton and Yale's acceptance rates were 9.8 and 7.5 percent, respectively. Last year, more than 2,900 Harvard applicants had perfect SAT scores in reading, and more than 3,500 had perfect math SAT scores, according to school figures. Yet, the freshman class had only 1,655 slots.
"Life is not always easy and rejection happens," she says. "It's a good lesson that you can't always get what you want. But know that if you've done your research, you're going to end up at the right place for you.
"What you put into it is what you're going to get out of it," Cohen continues. "Be prepared for rejection, don't take it personally, move on quickly, and focus on what you do get."
Matt White, 18, a senior at Burrell High School, got his first choice: Kettering University in Flint, Mich. White, of Lower Burrell, also applied to Rochester Institute of Technology, Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology and Penn State-New Kensington. He was admitted to all of the schools.
"I was nervous," White says, recalling the waiting period. "As soon as I got that letter (from Kettering), I was so relieved.
"I thought I was going to get in, but there was always that thought at the back of my mind of, 'What if I'm not good enough?' "
Emily Anna, 18, of Unity, Westmoreland County, already has been accepted at the University of Pittsburgh, Washington & Jefferson College, James Madison University and Elon University. She has committed to James Madison and says she is happy about it, but still is waiting to hear back from the fiercely competitive Brown and Johns Hopkins universities. The name-brand recognition of those two schools is appealing, but getting in is a long show, even for Anna, who has a grade point average above 4.0. She says she might change her plans if one of these schools accepts her.
College is the subject that dominates most conversations among their peers, Anna says. "I am kind of nervous," she says. "I'm already committed, so it's not so bad for me. ... I'm just so anxious to hear from the other schools."
Parents should give guidance, comfort and perspective to their teens during this stressful time, experts say, and encourage the kids when they face rejection.
Suchitra Srinivasa, Priyanka Srinivasa's mother, says she gives her daughter positive advice, and reminds her of how accomplished she is. "I keep telling her that it should be really nice for (a school) to have student like you," says Suchitra Srinivasa, 41.
Rossi says that, often, students' second-choice schools turn out to be the best schools for them. "I think by and large, things do work out," he says. "It's really about looking for and finding that right fit. No matter what the schools decide, you'll land well."
While waitingIf you have teenagers running to the mailbox every day to find out which schools have admitted or rejected them, consider these tips:
- Plan together by considering all the factors of a certain college -- environment, financial aid, and extracurricular activities, for example -- when choosing among schools.
- Stay flexible. Remind your kids that there is no one perfect school, even if they have their heart set on one. If they get accepted into their secondary choices, they still will enjoy the benefits of a good education, meet friends, grow and have life-changing experiences.
- Let your child know that a rejection is not a personal failure.
- Remember what's really important: the kind of adult your child becomes, their health, etc. This is an important, but temporary, phase of difficult decision-making that will pass and mostly be forgotten four years from now.
Source: Malcolm and Laura Gauld of Hyde Schools, authors of "The Biggest Job We'll Ever Have: The Hyde School Program For Character-Based Education and Parenting."
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